Top 3 Questions to Ask Yourself before Self-Matching

We know it all too well – the million questions that flood your mind and overwhelm your thoughts when you consider self-matching.

“Is this right for us?”

“What about the risks?”

”Will we find a match?”

While self-matching is a less traditional approach to adopting a baby than the conventional adoption agency route, we know you’re here on the PairTree blog for a reason. While there are definitely a lot of benefits to self-matching, the decision to pursue self-matching as your adoption method should be made just like any other method, and it’s a personal decision that is right for some, but not all.

Fun fact: Half of the adoptive families on PairTree are using a multi-method approach, meaning in addition to creating a profile on PairTree, they are also working with an adoption agency, adoption consultant or adoption attorney to help them match.

The people that have success in self-matching are the people whose expectations align with the self-matching adoption method. Follow along as we identify some characterizations of those who are likely to experience an enjoyable journey with self-matching.

1. Are we willing to wait 9 months?

On average, self-matching takes between 6-9 months. Sure, it can happen before… and yes, it can absolutely take longer. But on average, an adoptive family will match with an expectant mother within 6-9 months. Staying on a self-matching platform the entire time should be part of your plan vs jumping around on platforms. Know that with time and patience, the self-matching process can identify a match based on personality traits that align with the birth mother’s vision for the child’s future.

2. Am I willing to take the reins and put the work in?

Those that are self-matching typically want a little more control over the adoption process. Sure, you can kick back and let your profile do the work, but the individuals and couples that take a more active role in self-matching typically have more success. How can you play a more active role? Promote yourself! Send your profile to everyone you know. Post to social media on a regular basis – and tag #PairTree to boost your exposure. Don’t be afraid to bring adoption up in conversations, as you never know who might connect you to your child. Those that ask for help (encourage others to share your story and share your profile, too!) are also more likely to find a match. And you might even consider boosting your profile on Facebook or Instagram for some extra exposure…$30-$50/week will serve your post up to hundreds if not thousands of people.

3. Am I a resilient person?
This question is true for any method of family-building, and it doesn’t just apply to self-matching, or adoption as a whole. Adoption is a journey of high-highs and low-lows. Your journey may include disappointment, happiness, doubt, excitement, fear, joy, relief and everything in between. Depending on your journey, there may be scams along the way, unavoidable disruptions, awkward conversations, and more… but they will all read to the greatest joy of your life. And after all, it’s your story to unfold.

What do you think? Any questions we missed? Let us know at

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