Ashley & Cody’s Adoption Journey
Adoption is a journey. In these features, we give hopeful adoptive families the space to share what they’ve learned, what they’ve struggled with, and what keeps them going. We’re so happy to introduce you to Ashley & Cody.
Tell us about yourself and how you made your way to PairTree?
Hi there! Our names are Ashley, and Cody, and these are our two dogs Sadie, and Sophie! Ashley is a pediatric nurse practitioner and Cody is a medical record analyst. We are originally from Buffalo, NY but now live in Mississippi. We moved down here about 7 years ago for Ashley’s dream job and have been here ever since. When I, (Ashley) was a teenager I was diagnosed with leukemia, we knew I would need a bone marrow transplant. While the transplant cured me, it also put me into menopause, making me unable to have children. With Cody by my side we were able to freeze eggs and embryo’s prior to my treatment. Unfortunately, the IVF technology was pretty new at the time, and when we went to use them in 2018 they did not survive the thaw. Even though we were young, we both had always wanted a family, we knew then if the preservation was not successful we would adopt. In 2019 we began our journey with American Adoptions. In late 2020 our social worker told us about PairTree. We love the PairTree concept and that it allows us to be more laid back, and show a little more of our true selves. We are trying to do everything we can to bring our future child home to us so, it was an easy decision to sign on. We have been active ever since!
What has surprised you about this process – good and/or bad?
How extensive it is, how long the wait times are, and how supportive people would be. It is a common misconception that you can just decide you want to adopt and “go get a baby”. We had no idea how much work is involved pre-going active, or how hard the wait would be once we were active. Ashley is pretty type “A”, once the home study and the profile building was done, it has been hard for her to sit back and just wait. (Another reason why PairTree is so helpful).
Our families have always been super supportive of our decision, but we had no idea how supportive the community would be around us. The world has been pretty crazy the last few years but, the unwavering support for our families and community has been incredible. We wouldn’t be here without them. It is amazing how great people are, even in times of hardship.
What do you think is misunderstood about adoption?
That Birth Mother’s/families don’t love their children. The amount of love it takes to place a child for adoption is unimaginable. To love your child so much that you place them for adoption to give them the best life possible for whatever reason is so selfless. The pain they must experience is hard to fathom for us. The strength and love that goes into that decision is incredible.
Who are your biggest supporters? Who can you always turn to?
100% our families. Our families have been very close friends since we were kids. We do holidays and vacations, and pretty much everything in between together. They have been there through all the ups and downs and given us unwavering support. Every heartache, every success, and everywhere in between they are the one constant. All of them would drop whatever they are doing in an instant for us, and we couldn’t be more grateful. We are so loved and cannot wait to introduce our child to them. We wouldn’t be where we are without them!
Do you have a favorite quote or mantra?
There are so many great ones to choose from! One that immediately comes to mind is “everything happens for a reason”. This quote has gotten us through a lot of hard times, and gives us hope. We know the perfect child for us will come when it is meant to be. There is a reason for our hardships, and a reason that we are on this journey. Together we can make it through anything.
How often do you cry? (Seriously…)
Way more than we would like to admit. Pretty much, every time one of our friends tell us they are pregnant. While we are so, so happy for them, we are hurt for us. We have wanted to be parents our entire life, and the thought of that not happening is heart breaking.
What you are most proud of – so far – in this process?
That we have expressed patience. This wait for a match is extremely difficult and I feel like we have handled it pretty well. While at times it can be frustrating, we have lived our life as normally as possible. We have done a lot better than we could’ve anticipated, especially with COVID throwing a wrench in everything.
What scares you the most about this process — and why?
That we will never match. We have both known our whole lives we want to be parents. We want a big family just like ours. We have such a close knit family and our siblings are our best friends. Our families have always done their best to ensure we experienced all that life has to offer, and we want to do that for our children as well. It is amazing to watch a child grow and thrive, and experience the world. It has been an honor and privilege to watch our nieces and nephews grow, and we can’t wait to experience that with our own child. We both want that so badly, it is terrifying to think it could never happen.
If you had a magic wand, what would you like to change most about this process?
100% the wait.
Click here to learn more about Ashley & Cody. They’d love to hear from you!