Holly’s Adoption Journey
Adoption is a journey. In these features, we give hopeful adoptive families the space to share what they’ve learned, what they’ve struggled with, and what keeps them going. We’re so happy to introduce you to Holly.
Tell us about yourself and how you made your way to PairTree?
It has never been a question of if I would adopt but when. Being a mom is something I’ve always wanted. If you asked my 20-year-old self where I’d be at this stage in life, I would have said married with a house full of kids. Although I have not met someone to share my life with yet, I am ready to begin my family and feel confident embarking on this journey as a single mom. I’m lucky to have a supportive family and many friends that are helping me during this process. I wanted to be open to all ways of meeting birth moms, so I am trying to self-match which is what led me to PairTree and also working with an agency.
What has surprised you about this process – good and/or bad?
I didn’t expect the waiting to be so hard. I assumed that since I had not gone through years of infertility issues that I wouldn’t have the same challenge waiting to be picked by a birth mom, but I was wrong. It’s hard when you see the number of clicks on your profile every month but you don’t receive interest from birth mothers.
What do you think is misunderstood about adoption?
Until I started researching adoption options, I didn’t realize there were multiple routes you can take to adopt. I assumed, as do many people, that the only way to adopt is if you have a lot of money and work with an agency or lawyer, but I was happy to see that isn’t the case. I also think that the type of adoption and relationship the birth mom and adoptive family have, open vs. closed, is very misunderstood. I did not fully understand the differences between an open and closed adoption but I’m glad to be educated on both so that I am comfortable with whatever type of relationship the birth mother is looking for.
Who are your biggest supporters? Who can you always turn to?
My immediate family (mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law) are definitely my cheerleaders and supporters. They have been part of this journey with me from the beginning and will support me in whatever way I need. My extended family is also very supportive, especially my cousin who adopted three siblings 10 years ago. She has been a great person to turn to since she went through this process multiple times. I also have a ton of friends, most of which already have kids, that are my daily sounding board. My friends locally and in other cities would drop anything to help me whatever the situation may be, and I would do the same for them. I’m lucky to have so many people that support me and are there for me whenever I need them.
Do you have a favorite quote or mantra?
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Neale Donald Walsch
How often do you cry? (Seriously…)
My parents used to wonder if my tear ducts worked because I cried so infrequently when I was growing up. Maybe it’s because I competed in sports my whole life and I didn’t let it bother me when I didn’t win, or maybe I don’t like people to see me cry 🙂 As a kid, I saw a lot of people cry in order to get what they wanted, but that’s not my personality. As I’ve gotten older, I cry more often and more easily especially when it concerns my family, friends or pets. So when I do cry, you know there’s a significant reason why.
What you are most proud of – so far – in this process?
I’m very goal oriented and like to be in control of what’s going on in my life. But that is not how the adoption process works. I have very little control throughout this journey and that’s ok. I’m proud that I have been able to navigate this process in a different way than how I approach other things in my life.
What scares you the most about this process — and why?
I’m afraid that a birth mother won’t consider me because I’m a single woman. I feel that most birth moms want their child to grow up in a traditional, two-parent family because that will provide the best environment for the child to grow up in. There are many fears I have about this process, but never being chosen is at the top of my list as that is the first step in making my dream a reality.
If you had a magic wand, what would you like to change most about this process?
If I could snap my fingers, I’d change the uncertainty of the entire process, specifically being chosen by a birth mom.
Click here to learn more about Holly. They’d love to hear from you!
