Robert & Foster’s Adoption Journey
Adoption is a journey. In these features, we give hopeful adoptive families the space to share what they’ve learned, what they’ve struggled with, and what keeps them going. We’re so happy to introduce you to Robert & Foster.
Tell us about yourself and how you made your way to PairTree?
We believe in taking chances, and hope that you will take a chance on us.
Ten years ago, we met by chance in an art gallery cafe and have been in love ever since. On that day, we spent hours working at separate tables until Foster finally got the courage to leave his name and number on a slip of paper (before the song “Call Me Maybe” came out), and the rest is history. Five years to the day after we first met, we were married at our local church with friends, family, and a big bubble exit.
We began our adoption journey more than two years ago and are now more ready than ever to build our family through the gift of adoption. We found PairTree through a recommendation from a friend and thought we’d give it a try since it seems like a great way to connect on a more personal level.
What has surprised you about this process – good and/or bad?
We were surprised with all the bureaucratic steps involved in getting our home study approved (the city lost our paperwork for a few months…), but now that we are home study approved, we are excited to begin the step of connecting with expectant mothers who are considering adoption for their child.
We recently finished a video describing our adoption story, and it has been really great to hear from friends and family who are supporting us on this journey!
What do you think is misunderstood about adoption?
Throughout this process, we’ve been learning a lot about the range of options for birth mothers to stay connected with their child after the adoption. If you would like, we would very much love the chance to maintain open communication with you after the birth so your child will know how much they are loved by all of us. In addition, we would love for you to participate in the life of your child in whatever way you are comfortable with.
It’s sometimes misunderstood that the amount of love someone can give a child is fixed, but we know that that we can give as adoptive parents in no way replaces the love that you have for your child as a birth mother.
Who are your biggest supporters? Who can you always turn to?
We are fortunately to have so many supportive friends and family. Throughout this adoption process, we’ve appreciated being part of an LGBT parents group in our area to connect with others who are also going through this process. Through this group, we’ve also met lots of other families with young children who are excited to organize play dates and other adventures once we adopt.
Two of Rob’s family members are currently pregnant and expecting newborns in April 2022, so we also hope that your child will have lots of cousins their age to play with as they grow up.
Do you have a favorite quote or mantra?
Ever since we first met by chance, we’ve learned to assume the best in people and welcome all.
One favorite quote from the Bible that embodies this spirit of welcome is Hebrews 13:2 “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.”
How often do you cry? (Seriously…)
Foster is the most emotional of the two of us and cries at the end of nearly every movie 🙂 We both have our hearts in this adoption process and will certainly cry when we welcome a new child into our lives.
What you are most proud of – so far – in this process?
We’re proud of how this process has brought the two of us together and reaffirmed how much we want to be adoptive parents. We’ve learned a lot about adoption through the process and hope that it will help us be the best possible adoptive parents for your child.
What scares you the most about this process — and why?
We worry sometimes about losing contact with the birth mother after the birth. We want to respect your wishes about whether or not you would like an open adoption, but hope that your child would at least be able to connect with you when the the timing is right so they can make sense of their own adoption story.
If you had a magic wand, what would you like to change most about this process?
We’d love to magically connect with the expectant mother and child who are right for us! We know that there is someone out there and can’t wait to connect.
Rob is an amateur magician, but he hasn’t learned that trick yet 🙂
Click here to learn more about Robert & Foster. They’d love to hear from you!